Thursday, May 19, 2011

My Martha Stewart Food Reviews

So I found a link to a site where I could sign my wife up for a free year of Martha Stewart Living. These offers aren't incredibly rare - they assume that some number of people will end up subscribing, and the rest still see the ads, so it pays for itself in the long run. It's not my wife's favorite magazine - it's rather pompous for our more mundane tastes - but she likes to read it enough for it to be worth my time to make a couple of clicks and fill out an online form.

And if that had been all I'd needed to do... well, I wouldn't be blogging about it, for one.

You see, AFTER you fill out the form and you think you're all set to get your magazine, they throw a survey at you. Gah. If I'd known I needed to do that, I probably would have skipped the whole thing, but now I'm too invested to stop. They've tricked me, but I shall have my revenge. I click randomly through the survey, not even looking at the questions. My random responses will plague their statistical analysis! Mwua-ha-ha! But wait, there's more!!

I get to the bottom, and there are no fewer than FOUR large text fields. I'm now required to write a review of what I liked or disliked about four different breakfast foods. Cripes, really? Fine, I'll just throw a word into each box and... oh crap, it requires a minimum of 25 words. Dammit! Trapped again! I have no choice but to continue, but I don't have to make my responses useful! In fact, the more annoyed I got, the funnier my responses became. Enough so that I thought I'd share them with you. Note that all misspellings and other errors are intentional.

Review #1:
I like it cuz its tasty and fills me up in the morning an dhelps me get my day going. Its sweet and chewy and fills me up.
I know, it's not really funny. I was just getting started.

Review #2:
I like that its quick and easy and i can make it really fast with no truble. that way i have more time for other things like cleaning and making origami napkin animals.

Review #3:
I like it but its chewy and pulled out all my fillings once. I got new ones, but now I'm afraid to eat it anymore.

Warning - the next one is not suitable to read over breakfast.

Review #4:
I cant eat it anymore because it gives me the runs and makes me sneeze. And thats really bad if it happens at the same time and your not redy. 

So at that point my wife and I are roaring. She asks, "What are you supposed to be reviewing?"

"It doesn't say," I replied. "It just said to review four breakfast foods. I decided that not naming them was part of the fun."

Yeah, I probably won't get the subscription. I'm okay with that.

1 comment:

  1. Oh! If you don't soon, write them and ask why they are delaying!

    I'd like to write about what I did over my keyboard on reading your last... but my comment is not worthy to be on the same page as your comment. Well done sir!